1. |
You Will Try
03:16
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Slow down!
Or this world will take you out…
I can hear the sound you keep inside,
Oh! How it’s shaking.
The drowning force, that scorching heat,
Oh! How it hates me.
But I am just a lie.
You can’t kill me,
But, of course, you will try.
You are wildfire and we’ve all run dry.
Slow down! Slow down!
Or this world will take you out…
I hear the noise that became your sound inside.
Oh! How it steals me,
So, I am your disguise.
Now you can hate me.
The Death Drive’s on high.
I feel you break me
With fists made of iron.
I feel your desire,
Your submission to the act of your violence.
I feel your hunger, your rage.
The peace at my end,
Once I am flooded and flayed.
Oh! How you hate me
But I am just a lie.
You can’t kill me
But, of course, you will try.
You are wildfire and we’ve all run dry.
Slow down! Slow down!
Or this world will take you out.
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2. |
Safe
03:05
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Hey you!
Spasm!
Icon of iconoclasm
With your charming dejection.
The questions I have couldn’t
Find this lost place we inhabit.
I know, we all live in violence,
Its jarring transcendence.
Inflicting such easy afflictions.
We make worlds of rejection.
When I reach outside,
I’m blocked by my glaring reflection.
Here I’m at home in a blindness
Where no one can see me.
Strange prison of freedom
Where nothing can touch me.
I’m free in this flow.
I keep watching the world with no face of my own.
I leave no trace.
Something’s gone wrong
And it stained all my relations.
They’re painted with shades of the same.
I am perfectly safe…
Spasm!
A world of rejection and passion.
We’re speaking in silence,
Carving each other from our comfort in violence.
I spy from my body that hasn’t a face.
You spy from your body that hasn’t a face…
Against a hint of each other
We haven’t a shame,
Haven’t a dream.
I dreamt, found it, left it to be in the world.
Without a mind,
Each to their own.
No one can see me when I’m at home.
This prison of freedom,
Free to just flow.
In the safety of blindness,
I know what I know.
I leave no trace.
Something’s gone wrong
And it’s stained all my relations.
They are painted with shades of the same.
I am perfectly safe…
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3. |
Not Like This
02:55
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I have been lost,
Just not like this.
I hurl words into something,
Or somewhere.
Maybe a cave, a fall, an absence.
Maybe a wish.
But nothing returns.
There are voices around me
Searching, or stating, advising, proclaiming.
Oh! How they’re trying.
But, in the end
They’re just leaves in the wind,
I don’t know how to need them in the state that I am.
If I’m not in the world, then what am I in?
I have been lost…
I am a cave, a well, a fall with no floor.
I am so open there’s nothing to hold.
I am a wish.
I have been lost,
But never like this…
The world is in motion, in language,
I just sit still.
I remember pushing and fighting,
Almost becoming,
Always just on the verge.
Now I’ve become
And my body’s a blur.
Words run right through me,
And nothing returns.
If I’m not in the world, then what am I in?
I sense no strangeness,
No waking,
Just animal skin.
I have become with nothing to say,
Nothing to form.
The world is in motion, in language,
I’m perfectly still.
I have been lost…
I am a cave, a well, a fall with no floor.
I am so open there’s nothing to hold.
I am a wish.
I have been lost,
But never like this.
I have been lost…
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4. |
Same As The Mind
03:51
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I am never alone.
I am always being invaded by forces of my own.
There’s a strangeness inside me.
An other that’s of me.
I know that it knows me,
But not quite completely.
Sometimes it’s frightening to learn
What being can be.
To see and unsee.
I’ve seen my becoming and thought,
“But how could it be?”
I remember I witnessed this becoming
In someone that wasn’t me.
It was unbecoming,
I thought, “this shouldn’t be!”
Now I’m invaded by a making
That’s rejecting itself.
I sit here in a moment and feel like
Somebody else.
One body, same as the mind.
Same as the earth.
Away from itself, a way in the world.
One body, same as the bones,
Same as my other, same as my soul.
Away from itself. A way in the world.
I keep exceeding myself outside of my dreams.
Inside my inside,
I feel these unspoken streams.
These creeping loose ends
Spanning past my own means…
I am a distance, always departing.
To see and unsee.
I keep deceiving myself,
Thinking I’m knowing
When I’m just growing myself.
Sometimes I just want to listen and learn,
Be broken to pieces with no return.
To be different, exceed more than my own.
Just me and my knower going free from my known.
Only to rove, still undisclosed.
I am never alone.
I am never alone,
I am always being invaded by a making
That’s rejecting itself.
I sit here in a moment and feel like
Somebody else.
One body, same as the mind.
Same as the earth.
Away from itself, a way in the world.
One body, same as the bones,
Same as my other, same as my soul.
Away from itself. A way in the world.
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5. |
Man Is Death
04:01
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Life is a pain-game.
A play-thing.
No sense in changing.
It's only nature
And I am its natural aggression.
Assertion.
I'm always pushing to fight.
I will push you,
Coercion.
I take what I want
But, I want you to hurt me,
impale me.
Reversion.
I've been chasing death,
A Dead man,
Doing what I'm supposed to.
Man is Death.
I fantasize about the soldier of fortune,
A killer, with purpose.
He'll do the mission.
His blade is sharp on
The throat of submission.
He can't be held to the law.
I dream of his body.
The blue of the bruises,
The raw pink of his scars.
Life is a pain-game
Pain he can take.
I think of his wounds,
Still dripping blood, freshly agape.
He'll plug it with dirt
He takes from his grave.
I've been chasing death,
A Dead man,
Doing what I'm supposed to.
Man is Death.
Life is a pain-game,
A plaything.
And I'm full of anger and distance.
Danger and tension
The world will no longer make me a mission.
But I won't surrender,
Even when this chamber runs empty.
I stand aside this farcical world
Of floods and Invaders.
My body's a weapon, a sandbag,
A savior.
I want you to kill me, just like a hero,
Show me no mercy.
I'm natural aggression.
Assertion.
Coercion.
Reversion.
Or I'll be destruction...
I've been chasing death,
A Dead man,
Doing what I'm supposed to.
Man is Death.
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6. |
Light
03:21
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I spark no light through myself,
By myself I need no light.
I don't need to see.
I need no light to need.
I am complete,
Ready to kill.
I Discern your command over me,
The height where you stand.
The hand above me,
Your freedom, despite me.
Oh! How it spites me,
The fact of your power.
I fight my desire, Your light
Shining through me.
Guiding me where I don't want to go.
Teaching me what I don't want to know.
Taking me from my complete self.
Your sharp cutting light
fractures the whole.
I sit in resentment, as I'm out of control.
Alone, I'm at peace,
I don't need to see.
I am complete.
Ready to kill...
I have a preference
To be embodied
In the limits of darkness
Where I collect then un-see.
I'm at war with desire, it’s insistence to offer
My gift of submission, I'm incomplete.
Your height is above me,
Light shining through me,
And I keep escaping,
Destroying pure contemplation.
I'm naked shame,
And I have been taken.
In my separation, we were the same.
Now, I'm at your mercy,
As you're shining through me,
Making me wonder, have I ever been worthy?
I like the dark where only I dwell.
At war with desire,
I want to kill the excess of myself.
Your sharp cutting light
I sit in resentment, as I'm out of control.
Alone, I'm at peace,
I don't need to see.
I am complete.
Ready to kill...
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7. |
Lost Anchors
03:13
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Am I still supposed to listen
While this rupture’s bursting open?
The world’s been split and broken.
The yoke that held me closely,
Made of my devotion,
Kept me, loved me, told me stories that would mold me.
A tension pulled me tightly.
It could hurt or hold me.
It taught me crucial limits.
Now a distant aspect
In my jaded field of vision.
Oh! It left me swimming
Feeling weightless wading waters.
Over sunken islands, missing forests, deep in silence.
All of it unfathomed,
All of us forsaken.
Call off the calling,
We’re too far endangered.
I am going deeper
Pulling chains of forgotten anchors.
I once embraced the fractures.
The ships evading markers.
If we could escape our bodies,
Future’s would replace us,
Sublating our relations.
Instead, it left us aimless,
Atomized, and nameless.
I am going deeper,
Lost anchors…
I’m a diving-bell in lost atmospheres.
Barely a speck, a spot in these waters,
I only can fall.
My thoughts are like wind in my ears.
I am alive because I am still here.
I’m pieces and puzzles
The ifs and the was that I’ve wondered,
From what I remember.
Blood barely matters when even in falling
I’m moved by the flow of desire.
The throes of lament,
The long fall as I long just to be caught.
To be returned to the myth of myself.
I only can fall.
I am going deeper.
Lost anchors…
There’s no wayward or wayside.
No always, no halfway, or way out.
There’s no Right now.
No Just then.
This sunk earth with nowhere to touch down.
You think you know right?
Do you know wrong?
Well, go try.
When your soul sinks
I’ll be here in my nosedive.
We’ll go along the same place
As ghost die.
Where there’s no what to learn why.
No knowns to hold high.
No trust to stand by.
I am going deeper.
Lost anchors…
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8. |
I Know How to Be Happy
03:25
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To enjoy is not enough.
I desire something else.
I have all I need, but I desire something else.
I play with the world,
I know how to enjoy myself.
to move...
to make motion from nowhere
just like the wind.
This motion I've pushed is also movement
I'm in.
The Playing itself.
I know how to be happy,
but I desire something else.
I take from the world,
enjoying its fruit, the sweet juice
of delight.
I touch and taste to feed
this love of life.
I make play of my needs
and take what's not mine,
to make more out of me.
to enjoy myself.
I know how to be happy,
but I desire something else.
I have all I need
but I desire something else.
Here I am, naked, with nothing but
the world I live from.
It's there for the taking, I am embodied
to find taste for my tongue.
In this earth I am bathing, reverting in
its difference into my love.
I'm always learning and playing,
mainly for nothing there's never enough.
The playing itself.
I know how to be happy
but I desire something else.
I have all I need,
but I desire something else...
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9. |
In Your Hands
02:44
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I'm in your hands,
You can drop me if you want to.
Or Consicrate my body,
Bridge me to the holy.
That world that can absolve me.
Why do I feel so guilty
In this world that living with me?
Allow me my forgiveness,
I forgive Myself
When you permit me
If you'll only be my witness.
Call me into question.
Am I allowed to ask for justice,
To trust that I am welcome?
To exceed into our language.
Tell me that there's goodness
At the end of violence,
Then I'll take the bruises
And show you no defiance.
Can I trust that I am wanted?
To stop watching how you watch me.
To live beyond my body.
Call me into question,
My freedom and possession.
And we might even find out who I am...
I'm in your hands...
At First is always violence
When reaching from your limits.
The abrasions of each other,
Colliding with the endless.
I permit if you permit me.
I forgive if you forgive me.
Our interstitial body,
Positioned in the touchless.
Call me into question.
Am I allowed to ask for justice
To trust I'm separated?
Will you interogate
The violence of my sameness.
The hurt I've come accustomed
That Comforts with redundance.
I'm stuck in repetitions.
Can I trust that I am wanted?
To stop watching how you watch me.
To live beyond my body.
Call me into question,
My freedom and possession.
And we might even find out who I am...
I'm in your hands…
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10. |
Monument
02:50
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Life is short-lived,
I sit against myself,
And wonder exactly what is?
Here In this town's square,
I stare at a stone that
Juts up in the air.
Blue angels swarming
Like water holding a form.
Each side engraved
with casualties of war.
Names with no face,
Names of a great death
holding its place.
A time to remember,
planted in space...
Blue angels circling
This garden hidden in stone,
Blue like the wide-open sky,
Freeing the spirit
From the burden of bones.
Names with no face,
a face just like mine,
Against myself,
Where no light can shine.
I am untouched.
I think of my mother,
My name she engraved
In the hidden sameness of love...
It juts up in the air,
With names of the dead,
None that I know,
Names, unlike mine,
Attached to the flight of
Their throes.
Against myself,
With a mind of my own.
Blue angels reaching
With hands made of light,
Light like the face that speaks
Before it's denied.
Hands made of light towards
The names engraved on each side.
I think of my mother,
Her face like the moon,
Her height sinking low
To Where I'm helpless and nude.
Against myself,
Like I have something to lose.
Names of the dead.
Names with no face,
A face just like mine.
I read the names
And think, there was once a great
Time to die...
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